Like most women I feel the overwhelming pressure to appear beautiful at all times. I have spent years actively hiding my acne from other people, either by using makeup or avoiding going out in public. What started as just hiding my skin from co-workers, friends and family; rapidly turned into not even being able to answer the front door without makeup on.
It sounds stupid I know… but the anxiety I felt over my skin controlled every decision I made.
In September 2017, something happened that put into perspective the extent of my self-esteem issues. A category-five hurricane (Irma) was heading straight for our Caribbean home in The British Virgin Islands. We prepared for the hit and had been advised to pack a bag of essential items in the event of being evacuated.
Passport ✓ Phone ✓ Pants ✓ Money ✓ Makeup ✓
The hurricane was catastrophic but even through the chaos I was more concerned about how I would keep my acne concealed in such poor living conditions. I felt so guilty and ashamed of myself. We had lost our homes yet niggling at the back of my mind was; ‘what if people notice my skin?’. It scared me that my survival instincts didn’t override my acne anxiety.
It was going to take a year to rebuild the islands and without a job I was finding it pretty hard to find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. After seeing the Netflix pop up ‘are you still there?’ for the hundredth time, I decided there was no better time to figure out what was causing my acne. I kept returning to the idea of writing a blog about my journey to clear skin but knew that would mean having to expose the real me to the world.
Darling, just own it!
Deciding to go for it in spite of the demons I would have to face was the beginning of the end of my acne. I was committed. Not to myself but to anyone who might be reading. On days where I would normally have given up and admitted defeat; I stayed motivated. And it wasn’t until I started making progress that I realised how powerful I was. In the right frame of mind; anything was possible (even clear skin).
Why Beautiful by Breakfast?
Before starting my blog, a lot of my friends confessed that they never knew I had problems with my skin. This didn’t come as a surprise to me because I had been deliberately hiding it from them! What made concealing my breakouts difficult emotionally, was knowing that my friends compared themselves to me on a regular basis.
They thought I was beautiful. And there was a time before I had acne when I might of believed it could be true. Kids at school used to come up to me asking what I ate for breakfast. “Why?” I would ask, getting ready to deflect some cruel playground joke. But the answer was always the same. “I want to eat what you’re eating so that I look like you.”
As I got older I was asked more sophisticated questions surrounding my appearance. Whether it was simply to ask where I bought my t-shirt or how I styled my hair. I used to wave away compliments about the way I looked, commenting instead about their own beauty. But what I really wanted to do was take a wet wipe to my face and say, “This is the real me. You don’t want to look like this!”
Ever since I have felt the overwhelming pressure to look a certain way to live up to the expectation of being beautiful.
Beautiful by Breakfast is dedicated to all the blemished beauties waking up at 06:00AM this morning to conceal their breakouts! I hope by following my blog you will discover your inner beauty and learn how to love your skin.